Saturday, July 23, 2011
Having insomnia makes you think a little too far through things you thought were okay. I've found myself questioning my abilities as a human and my willpower to follow through with what I am capable of. Since I've been working, there has been a constant pull between so many different things that I feel like I can never give 100% to any of them. I am so overwhelmed at trying to make a budget work with a family of almost six when the cost of living has risen so dramatically over the past 3 years, the pressure to home school (and home school well) is overwhelming at best and the seemingly constant criticism in my area of ministry can tackle the best of intentions and squelch your confidence. It's hard to be good at something when you seem to not have anything noteworthy you are good at - especially when you can never devote your whole self to that particular gifting. Couple that with raising a strong willed child, managing a full household, maintaining relationships and you have a recipe for disaster if something doesn't give. In the next few weeks (if only for that precious, short amount of time), I look forward to giving 100% to my newborn, children and home. I will try to find worth in my ability to care for and raise my children. Often I wonder why I was given these tasks, but I trust in the Lord's Divine plan to have me where I am and in the circumstances that I am in - and as the old saying goes I will do my best - to bloom where I am planted.