This is how I felt last week. I think it pretty much explains itself, right? I am paring back some things and getting back to what is necessary for survival and what is special. Abby is gone to her Grandaddy's house (having a blast - I am positive!). I am only working one weekday this week.
When I lived way out in the trailer, I had dreamed constantly of the day when I could help people. We lived so far that I was unable have people over much (not to mention how unsafe and ugly the trailer was). A very tangible way to help people my age is to watch their children. I have countless friends who have small children. We all need help sometimes when a doctor appointment comes up or we have to work. I have watched numerous children in this house since we moved in 6 months ago (really, too many to count - several we kept overnight). I consider it a huge blessing and it humbles me to think that my friends trust me with their children. I am rounding a corner in my life when I have been struggled with being used or just being a convenient target. So, I am going to take a break from watching children at home (unless it is some kind of emergency or something) for a couple of months. I will be taking time to invest more in my children and getting back to reality. I realize that because of my moratorium, I will not have anyone to watch my children for me in return. But let's be honest - I never really had that in the first place. Knowing myself, after a couple of months I will jump back in and be excited to serve my friends again.
The summer flies by so fast. I am not in any hurry to miss these special years of my life that I will never get back. My children are a joy to me and I love spending time with them unfettered.